Just a Glimpse

I remember walking into the restaurant bearing the Arches. I had just moved to the city, 10 years old, and had already made a new friend down the street. Her parents asked me to join them for dinner this night. Wow! I was excited! After ordering my Happy Meal, grabbing a bunch of straws to make swords, I sat down on the yellow swivel chairs. As I squeezed out my handful of ketchup packets, and we went on with our tween chattery conversation, I noticed a man sitting there alone. He seemed fine, eating his hamburger, maybe a Big Mac, not sure. He was older, a little rugged looking. He stared at nothing.

Now what I am about to tell you, is telescoping, even catapulting a ticket straight into the depths of my heart. People used to laugh, mock even; and it may sound crazy and disconnected from normality, but this is who I am.

There is something indescribable that happens in my heart when I see certain people eat. I have no words for it. It’s not just any people, but more on the elderly side. They don’t have to be super old, just ‘lifed’ if you will. They’ve lived a while. They have stories, decades to share of the hardships and delights that have made up their road. Their eyes expose their chapters.

As I looked upon this man, my heart began to swell, rising up tears in my eyes that could take no route but up and out. It made no sense, but it hurt. As I have grown older, 36 now, and have taken different roads to my own story, I have had plenty more episodes like this. It can happen at any time. It has been many years since that anecdote, but it is still so very real today.

 I was recently watching a morning talk show where they were sitting down to share a meal that had just been made, and noticed the one bombastic-type lady who always has a quip to share; she was eating. Maybe I have a judgement of her, but it’s never a ‘set’ one. And I could feel words decorating my heart at that moment. Tears too.

I think a rudimentary description of it all is that It’s because, no matter how strong or confident we are, we all meet at a same level. No matter how full of personality, or intelligent we stand, we all have to sit down and replenish nourishment to our bodies. No matter how Angry, or politically linguistic we speak, we all meet at dinner time and have a meal. I can’t explain it, but it’s so human. You can be pompous and still eat. You can be impoverished and still eat. This one thing stops you and you have to put a break in your day. If we did not, we would halt in the end anyway. We have got to put a break in our stride, and sit... 

I believe what this inexplanable emotion is called, in the most purest form, is Compassion. When I have not been able to put words to a concrete description, God has shown me a life-long message of His heart. I don’t think I have even hit the full comprehension of what he has to say through this, but I’m beginning to seek understanding. 

It gets me thinking of our humanity. We are all in such need of things that sustain us daily, but some of us are not recognizing where it is coming from. There’s a story in the Bible that speaks of a need that a bunch of people came to fulfill. A spiritual need that was so deep and unending that they stayed so long, not recognizing the lapse of time leading to their physical hunger.

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, 

because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 

Matthew 9:36

If we could only imagine what God feels. 

The end of that story was that more than 5000 showed up to hear what Jesus was saying. Their hearts yearned for something more than they had, and when they began to be hungry, he fed them. A miracle happened that day, beyond what we could think up...

For me, I barely get a glimpse here and there of something I can’t describe that wells up inside me. It’s a minute Compassion for the needy. But My God. Can we even imagine the desire and ANSWER he longs to fulfill in us, when we are in need?

Daily we walk right by an individual who has just had a heart-pain of loss, of hurt, of confusion, of emotional heart break, and they long to be fed. They long to drink- for their thirst to be gone.

“But whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. 

Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water 

welling up to eternal life." 

John 4:14

Compassion, is just like an edge of a many-colored prism. God has MANY different colors to his character. He feels many different things, while having Strength and Love unchanging, unending. Compassion is seeing through eyes, or feeling with the Spirit what Christ is like.

Imagine how we see our children. They do little things, have little antics, little quirks that remind us of something we did as a child, or still do now! “Hey, that’s me! That’s what I do!”

That’s how He feels about us. When we do or feel things that are Christ-like, He says, “Hey, that’s like Me!”

And He chooses for us to gain a glimpse of his gifts, His character for others. That’s our God. He wants to include us by using us for His Glory. 

God Knows our every hurt whether we’re for Him, or against Him. He’s aware of EVERY man that eats alone. Are you keeping your eyes open?

Friends, what’s an odd thing about you that you can’t explain,

 but know it has to be from God? Nothing is too small!

Lamppost to Lamppost

Sometimes, I’m in the moment. I’m not looking back, I’m not looking forward, I’m merely doing what has to get done. Whether it’s sitting in the middle of a mountain of clothes, or picking up the same toys that I had just picked up earlier in the day- I stay focused on the task.

And a lot of the times, this is what it can be like to begin your training with running. 

When you first start out, you have got to have a will beyond yourself. If your physical capacity out-matches your will, you probably won’t make it very far, but if your Heart and Will surpass your exhaustion, You will be able to keep going... eventually. 

As a marathon runner, I always tell people when they say, “I just don’t run, I can’t run very far, I really hate running!”, this: “If you give yourself longer than a week, if you learn to think bigger than yourself, and get past that first 20 minutes of pain, You will do amazing.” I hear it takes ’21 days to create a habit’; You have got to keep going. Not to mention, the long term habit is so beneficial for your peace of mind too! Especially being a Mom-Newsflash- it’s DAILY.

If you have taken time off, it’s always a challenge to bring it back to a flowing river. What you used to be able to do, isn’t always there when you return. You have to work at it. Whether just beginning for the first time, or returning to that love and challenge of Running. 

And on the other hand, it isn’t the wisest to start out super fast or take on long distances either. You will either give up altogether quickly, or bring on an injury faster than you can say, ‘pass me my Gatorade’.

Running is a conditioning. It’s a patience. Sometimes a Love/hate. But Patience altogether.

Khalid Khannouchi is nearly the fastest marathon runner in history with a time of 2:05. (2:03 being the record) He says,"It's a combination of discipline, hard work, harshness of weather. The most difficult part is keeping your focus for a long period of time. 

"[Long term Runners] seem either to be training or getting ready for the next workout. You wake up every morning and you know what you have to do. You have long mileage to accumulate. Sometimes you're already tired from your last two or three workouts. You still have to wake up, have the motivation and go outside and do the training. It makes it hard if the weather is really bad.”

Personally, My family and I just returned from the mission field to have a baby. It was a life or death kind of pregnancy, yet God carried us the whole way, letting us know that he was there the whole time, and to stand Strong. We have a beautiful,happy baby boy named Cruz who is delighted with Life at nearly 7 months now. We are so blessed with God’s Promise and Gift of I AM with you. He never leaves us.

 And now I am back to “hitting the trails” again. Looking to the next Marathon in a few months time.  When I first started out, I had to refute the voice that said, “You can’t do this again!” “You won’t do this again.” “Look, you’re tired at such a short distance!, Give up!” But, I had to look back on what I KNOW, and keep moving. With each new step, I was relinquishing the ropes of fatigue, and taking baby steps forward. Just a little bit more.

Often, as a runner, you have to keep looking up, and telling yourself, as you’re trudging along, “If I can just make it to the next Lamppost...” you’ll feel such a reward of continuing. And slowly but surely, You come to that iron pillar, and know you can take on another one. You just have to endure... 

 When we look at this thing called Life, I am sure you are drawing some parallels with me. We see that life isn’t all about a fast pace, but an endurance. Sure, sometimes, we are racing the wind,or we stumble, or even sometimes, most times, we are competing with snails, so in any contest, we can see the most important factor is not how many Begin the competition that we have trained for, but to simply do it,  And complete it!

In the dictionary definition, Lamppost is defined:  A post (generally a pillar of iron) supporting a lamp or lantern for lighting a street, park,etc. This is like our God. When we are weak, or even some times feeling a bit mighty-like, we continue, so that very soon, we will know that Glow that is coming. We Look Up to Him- that Light,Our Strength, that lights our paths. When weather is dark and stormy, not until you are under it, can you See. When times are lonely and grueling, He is always there. When we are in pain and want to stop, and feel hopeless, He is there to lean on. For it’s his Grace and Mercy that takes us through. When we are hearing the venomous spews of the enemy, We look up. “Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” Psalm 119:105

The Spirit, the Encourager, will softly whisper in those secret places of our heart,“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised” Hebrews 10:36. How exciting! 

Late in life, the Apostle Paul declared, "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness ..." 
(2 Thes 4:7, 8)

And also, Jesus said "He that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved." Matt 24:13. Keep going Friends, stand your ground, or better yet, run your course. Endure this hardship. Laugh with Joy at the days to come. Because you know that the Spirit will be there, as you make it, Lamppost to Lamppost.

Moms, many times, we are stuck in those moments of just trying to stay above water. This big ocean engulfing us, while we doggie paddle through it. Just be encouraged that we are All going through it. Everybody's trying to make it. Sometimes we can do our best, and sometimes we can barely get out of bed. My question to you is, " Who can we cling to ?" He is always ready. He never sleeps.  

In Jesus, 

He will not let your foot slip-He who watches over you will not slumber  Psalm 121:3

Please Check this out: http://www.godvine.com/Christian-Athlete-Takes-a-Fall-But-Still-Wins-the-Race-378.html

You'll be blessed!

Breathe

I have to believe that a lot of woman are going through this. You know those quiet subjects that it seems no one else has in common, but truth is, it's happening. It's the Age of having a baby, slowly coming to a halt, and naturally, I guess, there tends to be a maternal drive to hold a new child in your arms! Especially one of your very own. . .The funny thing is, is that I was not like this in my growing years. I knew that I wanted to be a mother, yet I wasn't eager, and I didn't want it to come until God's design unfolded.

And I guess... I'm just having a moment. You know how when you freely have a choice, you can take your time, yet when it's forced out of your hands, there's a loss. 

For me, there is a loss here for so many reasons. I am not going to claim to be an expert on the psychology of having a hysterectomy,which I have had, but I will share how I feel to have had my last baby.

Yes, I always dreamed of having 4 children. I always fancied the idea of my grown children around my table, and maybe even expanded the dream out further, with picturing their spouses and children in their arms. The verse below would bring a smile to my face as I came across it. . . And God has given me those 4. What a monumental blessing that I thank Him for every single day!

Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house;

your children will be like olive shoots around your table.

~ Psalm 18:3

But for some reason, there is a heart-pain there that I need to do more than just 'walk off.' I need to talk about it, but I'm not sure I can even explain it. To look into my baby boy's eyes, I've never experienced this longing for him to stay young. With all of my other children, I didn't feel an ongoing nostalgia, even further, I couldn't wait for them to grow- grow a little so I can see what they look like. I'm still a little excited for that.

But God has given me a living example in this new son to hold, where I can 'baby' him. I have never kept our baby in our bed this long. Last night was the first time he stayed in the bassinet next to our bed, and stayed there the whole night.

Don't get me wrong, I get it. I can intellectually see what's best for him, and I will follow through with it. For example, each child, I have abided by two rules while they are young.

1. In the Crib in their own room by 6 months.
2. 2. Pacifier done by 18 months.

No matter how hard it is.

But emotionally, I can see how I am setting myself up with this one. I can't put my finger on this attachment. . .

A lot of memories resurface of my first born. The feelings I felt. The new wonder....The bonding. This 'loss of womb' has made so many things final. Which is a blessing and His will, I know. I guess I just need to grieve.

Looking deeper, I notice one thing though that saddens me, and I know that it is an ongoing condemning feeling that I am barely grasping a hold of the edges. It's that I used to feel good to say that I have breast fed all of my children for 6 months. Personally, that was the amount that I set out for, and felt an accomplishment for following through. But this time, I had to end it sooner. With the surmounting children and schedules, and the stress of baby Cruz screeching in pain, it reminded me of Hope's infancy. She screamed out of gas-pains while breast feeding for 6 solid months. When I finally stopped, she was perfect. Not a peep. It was a matching stressing time.

My Husband told me when I shared my guilt and heart pain this last time, “I'd rather have a sane wife feeding formula, than a 'lost her marbles' mama, breast feeding.!”

Going back to the 'self-shoveling' guilt, God does not speak these things into my heart, so it has to be the Enemy of my soul. He says I should stand feeling 'maternally Guilty'. Isn't that so interesting how much condemnation we ourselves can put upon our heavy hearts as well? I have to come to a calm place and say 'I did my best'. I come to these conclusions, because there was a lot less 'mommy-bonding' time than I have ever experienced with my other 3. And that right there, is probably the biggest reasons why I am feeling this way.

It's an honest to goodness 'striving' feeling, that I lock myself into, and throw away the key. Sometimes, we have got to release ourselves from the 'pedestals' and the 'comparisons' of others. Looking at the life-story of others is a ongoing jail cell that we constantly crawl into expecting a way of escape each time. The Lord is teaching me to just stand in my own space, and come to terms with who God made me to be, and to be satisfied with the purposeful cards I have been dealt. He shows me that we gotta feel secure and confident in making right decisions, and following through. Our lives are not our own anymore, but the laying down of it- for our God, and in this scenario, our family, our little ones.

That is something that I have to encourage and let God breathe upon me in these last couple of years. Let God inspire me to lay down my life and 'party moments' for the happiness and character- building of my children. Let me inspire my Husband. Recently, I was reminded of one of the root words of Inspire is to softly 'breathe upon'. And Oh, aren't we far from that at moments?

Living a life of wondering what could have been, whether now or in the past, can only be a living hell. Knowing that God has our best story of Love towards us- amounts in endless gifts of Freedom and Favor. Trusting Him will never leave you feeling 
R E G R E T. Ever. 

My Heart trusts in Him. And knowing that his plan for my body, was His best. He saved my life. He saved my son's life; I have to trade sorrow for Joy. . . and breathe. The beautiful eyes of my son tell me of my endless reward of Life. And what's more- restores the Joy of the Lord to this mama's heart. Daily.

Praise be to the LORD, 
for he has heard my cry for mercy. 
 The LORD is my strength and my shield; 
my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. 
My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

~Psalm 28:6-7

Friends, Take heart. Your story is being written by the very hands of a Great and Loving God...Trust in His Love and Favor for You... He is so Good.