21 February 2017

My Story


'Today' ♥
Things started changing about 19 years ago....
I remember how I had felt so tired of all of the race and worries and fears.
I had just broken up with who I thought I was going to marry, back in 1998, and I was heartbroken and devastated. My world was upside down.

You see, I talked to Jesus as a child, I had all the upbringing of a Christian family, but I was unruly. I had a craving for my wants first. And incipiently, it promises satisfaction, but soon, the mask is revealed, and it enslaves you.

The day I was ready, the day I was searching, there was this verse that came on the radio spoken by a pastor, "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28-30), It's Jesus who said this, and it was something I had learned when I was a kid, but it did not come to life, until that instance. (Parents of prodigals,Trust Him in this)
 I literally lost it in that very moment. I cried so hard. I gave it all- all of the pain, guilt, worry, all to him. It was as if he was the truth standing next to me the whole time, and I only just truly saw him.  
In retrospect, I had fought Him for so long. I had fought God's gentle call...I don't know why- the hollow lure of the world, I suppose. I have learned, as I have turned from the guilt of judgement, and looked into the heart of God, that He has so much love for us. We can trust Him, and place ourselves in his secure arms; Oh, the Joy and the Peace that it brings to be in God's arms and will. What a freedom!
 Things are too darn heavy to walk alone. 

I remember the joy of the the chains of condemnation and unrest that had broken off. The entanglement and lies were cut with God’s scissors and I began to sprint. The Hills were steep, and I fell down a couple of times, but the treasure of God’s Joy took me aflight. I wanted to cash my life in for His rewards. I wanted His words, ‘Well done’ sashed across this soul. After all, He did it all for me.

As the days grew into the Fall of 1998, I was 22 years old, and he began to work in me a hunger to learn about Him. I soaked up His Word, like a huge glass of cool water after a long, hot run. Words and scripture came back to my heart. The saturation of my past was slowly dripping away. Don’t get me wrong, there were still many hills to climb, but I believe the more that you hide in His arms, the safer and quicker you can be restored and comforted and encouraged. He became my everything. I still tear up today when I think about what He has done for me. He waited like a perfect gentlemen for this wretched soul he longed to call ‘masterpiece’.

Looking back on that year that I returned to the Lord, I have sifted through the pages of my journal then. I can see that He was chipping away at my hardened heart:

I am sliding right into the mud. I have walked a road of darkness for about 6 years. I know that if I could just get to the other side, I would be useful. But I don’t think I can; I have tried too many times.” 

 All along, I know that God was gently calling me back. ‘Return to Me’ He would say, but my heart continued to take up the cup of defiance and the plate of debauchery.

 The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is long suffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

Ya know, the world tells us, that we can make it in our own strength. God's word says “All have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God" and that "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”  So in our worst moments, our skeletons in the closet- He died for us. 

He did it all for you. You are worth it. 

Yeah, we can sit back and look at others and say indefinitely, "That guy is going to hell, That guy murdered, that girl is heinous, etc..." But we are all in the same boat. We have all lied, all sinned, and murdered in our hearts...

I had to come to understand, that I was in need of a remedy. God is so amazing because he provided a way out. He provided a CHOICE, a bridge to the other side. And since Sin separates us from God, We need one. He sent His only son to die for us...

I called out, “Lord, I am ready now."

I decided to Jump into Missionary work with YWAM in January of 1999.
That was 18 years ago. I traveled to Australia, Thailand, East Timor island, and South Africa. I began to see God’s hand and heart in so much more.
My sins were washed away, but I didn't Know how to continually live in this.
With God's hand in Youth With a Mission, I learned many tools to strengthen my walk, shield off the Enemy’s crappy lies, and grow in God’s love for me. 
Satan, the enemy of your soul, has some few constants in his thievery. He is called the Father of Lies, and here is some he is consistent in:

1."I am not real, or even care to work at your life.” 
2.“You're such a sinner, you’ve gone too far, why even try?” and 
3.“There's still time...You'll get to it”

Heard ‘em?

He’ll first fool you into doing it, and then blame and condemn you because you did.

This is truth, Folks.

The Bible says, He walks around like a roaring lion, waiting to see who he can devour. 1 Peter 5:8
For God says, "At just the right time, I heard you. On the day of salvation, I helped you." Indeed, the "right time" is now. Today is the day of salvation. 2 Corinthians 6: 2 

He alone is our rescuer.

The Lord has continued to walk me through some tough times, and I am still learning. But I have Him to lean on!

Caleb and I met in October 2001. I was his waitress.  I was serving him at my table and we struck up a conversation. There was an excitement in our eyes. Of course, we were talking about Jesus. We've never stopped sharing our lives and Love- sharing together and to others- the Most Important Bond we have-The One who paid it all...The one who Gives US life! ♥ I served in YWAM till 2002, (met him while I came home for a tiny bit and then left again). 

We married in 2002.
We have 4 children, 2 girlies & 2 boys. A real stirring began for Caleb around 2007. The Lord began to prepare in his heart for a time of Change. 


Personally, I had wanted to be out on the mission field since the day we got married and from time to time fought it in my heart so heavily. God needed to teach me some things first. 
-He helped me realize that I need to be satisfied in Him alone. 
-He taught me that wherever I go, my kids are a huge, continued part of my mission field. 
-He also taught me that it may never be me that goes and does ‘the thing of my heart’. It may be my kids who go out, and set the world on Fire with Jesus' Love and Passion for people. That settled something in me right there, because we know as parents how much we would give for them. 
-It taught me to put others first.  That is a principle that still works through the seasons of life. For our kids, we always want them to have more than we did. God was growing me.

In 2008, Caleb had a lunch date with a beloved mentor at Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa. He shared his heart of, 'Where do you want me to go, Lord?" We heard from him that there was a need for a Pastor in Hungary at the Calvary Chapel Bible College Europe. We flew out for a week and felt like this was a Match completely and we’ve been serving in Hungary now ever since. 

'A Vision for Life' is a huge part of our heart for the nations. It is 'a raising up of the next generation of young people to follow hard after God'. It is also a place of teaching others what God has taught in us. He is sending people who have walked those same paths in their hearts-the same or even different than we did, but all in all, He shows them His heart for them, and gives them a new vision. My family gets to be a part of God's orders to send them out to tell others about their Rescuer, their Savior. This is at the very core of our hearts. We feel so privileged to be right in the center of God's will.
And it's no small factor that my kids are sharing the Love of Christ in their schools too! There is a heartbeat of his power pouring through them. God is definitely up to something big!

We believe that God is awakening his people to know Him. Don’t believe the hype of the ‘no Hope’ factor. The media teaches us something hopeless, but we have a mighty God who saves. What is He saying to you today?
 ♥
Psalm 91:1-2
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”


He’s coming soon!

10 November 2016

Grace covers the argument, once and for all

I’ve been tiptoeing through the heavy debris of mangled, 'after-math' political arguments on social media.

I recently saw an article on my feed about “How Clinton Blew it and failed” and felt the brewing convolution tip over the edge.
This stirring has begun to look more clear today. People of Unbelief as well as Belief in the boundaries of Godly conviction have a real  sickness; it’s a problem of Judgment.

Initially, you can see someone ‘Go for it’ in the public eye, and have no problem shouting hurrah! But the moment 'they don’t get where “I” thought they should, they missed the mark' and are trash thrown to the wind. They become open game for broken heresy and harassment.

Yes, I get it, the election didn’t go as many people believed it would, but for lack of better words, “CHILL” people.

Here's why: If for some reason, you can imagine the opposing party going as far as being wounded so that you can win, you know that there is Hatred in your heart. Hate is as bad as murder. Is this ok? Where have you let your heart go?


I have surveyed my heart and feelings, and still can’t distinguish all that it is capable of. We are apt to think awful things in our heart all of the time, yet God’s grace covers us when he brings us to a place of repentance and are able to say, “I’m Sorry.”
 For some reason, Politics seems to be acceptable grounds to hate someone. “I don’t hold you accountable, and you don’t hold me accountable.” We are 'just fine'.
But sometimes it's not just politics. It's anything that I believe stands for or represents me.

There are ways that I see people’s judgment coming out, and some are to pick out ONE thing a person has said, and jump on the bandwagon of 'labeling' and disgust. Where it is a picture, a lifestyle, or a phrase. It is a vicious cycle to expect that someone should be perfect, or better yet, NEVER expect them to try for it. Perfection cannot be attained in ourselves, yet we demand everyone else to be it.

This seemed to be introduced  on a wider scale by the popular arena of competitive reality shows, where we have become the King of judges. They make us feel as if we are Simon Cowell himself.

We have fallen deep into a sociological era of speaking our minds, and being appreciated for the ugly speech.

Society has applauded the ‘shock-value’ of speaking our hearts. And if our hearts are ugly, it’s okay because, “I’m just sayin’ or “I’m just keepin’ it real”. This is the bell curve that society has slanted down into. Being a C- is just fine with all, because it’s all I expect of myself.

First of all, our hearts are so very deceptive and sick. Will not anyone stand for Godliness?
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?' Jeremiah 17:9 esv

We have been given so much Grace by the one who had every right to look over us -and even judge us! He didn’t have to see us.

But he did.

And He appreciates and values us. He treasures us and showed us this, once and for all when he sent his son as a sacrifice for us. Why would God do that? Because not only does he love us, but He is love. He cannot do anything less. His character pours out over us and covers us. That's the beautiful Grace part.
Does it matter anymore for his character to be our character?

Listening to the acceptance and concession speeches- and the ‘faith’ put into these leaders,  we can recognize that at best, they are trying to glue us together with choice words, but it doesn’t mean that will Fix us.

Pride ultimately is our problem. If there is a lack of willingness or ‘good sportsmanship’, we cannot keep the composure, while the outpour of our hearts breaks out. All of this unspoken hatred comes from the sickness of putting ourselves first. We need to remember or begin to learn to have gracious conduct. Those are the people God uses.

"For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine pas lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. Philippians 2:13-16

We are in desperate need of looking into Jesus' sweet eyes, and see true humility that envelops us, and then He can give us the composure of a pure heart.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Give people a chance, better yet, Give Grace a chance. After all, this is better to give AND to receive.

03 October 2016

Life Interrupted

Amsterdam, Holland, The Netherlands
It seems that diaries are a thing that put a mirror to the true face of the soul. I have kept a diary since about the age of 9. I have written on and off, but find myself to be the style of a ‘documenting’ type. Recording events while adding color. I don’t want to miss a moment of time. Time matters to me so much, and if I can capture a piece of it in a bottle, and send it on it’s way, I feel purpose. I really do. 
If something can be caught, then even though it was decades ago, it can inspire the next generation to remember. To remember what it was like in all 5 senses-if not more; but also to keep lighting that fire for whatever was meaningful. Does that make sense?

When I was a girl of 12, there was one book that sort of took you through that rite of passage when you read it. It kindled a desire to be heard, to understand as we long to be understood. It was a moment you would lean in, and learn injustice, but saw how the rug laid over the world uneven and wrinkled in the corner of Europe.  It was the moment you walked onto the pages of the bridge-filled streets of Amsterdam in a cornered little Annex where the beginnings of a book called The Diary of Anne Frank was etched.

Growing up, when I was asked, "Who would you like to meet and talk to, past or present?" Anne Frank was always my curious answer.
And these past few days, as I have just walked the ‘bucket-list’ streets of Amsterdam, Holland, I have found myself at the footsteps of History.
History that also unfolded its rug to Corrie Ten Boom's jewelry shop in Harlaam. It was another piece of hidden moments spoken louder in Christian History. And as I think of it, I cannot help but breathe in long, silent aches in my spirit for this richness.

I remember walking with, and reading of Anne’s thoughts at her age, and now grieving for her in my 40’s. I didn't realize how much it would touch me again. I had forgotten the 13 year old girl I had gotten to know as a child.
Waiting in line for an hour under a rainy sky, sheltered by our umbrella, we braved the coat-wearing weather in early October and stepped into the once upon a time warehouse where dreams fell to the floor.

The book case that swung open 
Walking up those steep steps she wrote about, touching the bookcase that disguised the entrance and imagining her cries for freedom, I can’t help but want to just sit down and cry. Today.  I can’t help but think of my own girls, and the dreams I have for them…The dreams that they have for themselves.

Getting a glimpse of her writings, I can’t help but see her hope. Reading of her story before the secret Annex, you find that she was a girl just like any of us at one time. She had personality, beauty, and she had hope. She was intelligent and cheeky in school. She didn't understand, as she couldn't, why they would not be able to have the same luxuries as before, or any Other for that matter. She began to write from a place unbeknownst to many, but her diary and her vision to see and be more spoke volumes. She documented the feelings and dreams, and Hope in a post-war after-life. 


Someone had betrayed them after 25 months, and sent them eventually to their death. Only one, the Father was rescued when the war ended. And he found new vision when the lady who tended them, went in to scoop up their stuff, found the diary and gave it to her dad.  What the Gestapo felt was just rubble, we have found a rich documentation of a life that speaks still. He claims he did not know this side of Anne, but truly wanted her message to be made known to the world.
Standing in front of the Anne Frank House
Our first of 3 attempts to a very long line.
I relate to her in a lot of ways. Writing what is meaningful for the intent of the next generation is key. And even more importantly, I too have a message of hope. And I know that mine will have no further interruptions.
""Behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, 
to give to each person according to what he has done."
Revelation 22:12

25 May 2016

Spiritual Recharge: Repeat the Simple Truths of God to Yourself
{This article has also been published at  www.calvarychapel.com or find it simply here:
 https://calvarychapel.com/resources/article/view/spiritual-recharge-repeat-the-simple-truths-of-god-to-yourself/ }

I bet you’d agree that you have forgotten or misplaced plenty of things in your lifetime. I can attest to this too. I once lost my pencil at my study space, certain that I had not gone anywhere out of a five-foot radius. I searched every possible nook and cranny that any kind of conceptual physics could have flicked it, rolled it or covered it. I resolved that there was absolutely no where else it could have run off to, so in defiance, I finally decided to retrieve another pencil and forget about the first one.

Soon, I was in deep examination of my studies and came upon a clever point. I reached for my pencil, and to my consternation, I could not find it! I quickly scanned everywhere nearby, checking my pockets, looking under the chair and so on. “What is going on?” I thought to myself. Finally, in bewilderment, I decided to walk away from the situation. I stepped into the bathroom and turned on the light. Well, lo and behold, I discovered two pencils. They were behind my ears…one on my left, and one on my right! The mirror had to remind me of that truth.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU GIVE YOURSELF A PEP TALK?

We can be “pulling our own socks up,” so to speak, revisiting truths we’ve heard along the way through principals and teachings. But we tend to forget those intrinsic and elementary truths.
This messy thing called life can get in our way and distract us from the concreteness of the truths of God. We hear them, and somehow, they get diluted in our day-to-day lives. Not to say that they are not a part of us, we just forget them! When we hear messages on the radio and grasp where the pastor or teacher is about to go, we begin to daydream away of grocery lists and other practicalities, like taking the car into the shop and picking up our kids from practice.

But it is always a good idea to “retrace the lines,” and remind ourselves of the transparent truths of God. Throughout this colorful, chaotic life, we need to remember who we are in Him and how and why we are here.

FOR EXAMPLE, THE SIMPLE TRUTH OF "CHRIST LIVES IN ME.”

Christ lives in me? Whoa. I’m not alone. This is a game changer! Before I knew Christ, I was one thing. Today, I am not alone. Everything I am, He is a part of. And not only that, He delights in my conversation and the every minute questions I have of things like, “What’s going on?!”
I was reading in 2 Peter chapter three today, where Peter retraced the lines of what is to be expected in these last days. He wrote this letter after walking with Jesus and witnessing His death and ascension into heaven. Yet the truths written in that letter so long ago are the same, timeless truths that remain today. He speaks of the scoffers and mockers of the truth. Those who say, “What happened to the promise of Jesus coming again?” He goes on to speak of the people who sit in fellowship with us, and yet still have greed and persuasiveness to turn those who have just escaped the ways of the world away from the truth. This is real life. These are the sleeper cells that not only never accepted God’s truth, but also try with all their might to tarnish it.

By God’s help, I never want to find myself sluggish and dull to His promises and unvarnished truth! It can happen with our eyes open, so retrace the lines with me.

THE BIBLE SHARES PLAINLY THAT HE ISN’T SLOW WITH COMING BACK TO GET US.

But that He is patient, waiting for all to repent. That really is encouraging! We are the people who share that good news with the ones who haven’t heard it. God isn’t entrapped by time, but sees 1000 years like a day; and a day like a 1000 years. So He grows us in His grace and knowledge if we stay alert and are willing. And as He is in us, He uses us. Doesn’t it excite you to think of the ones who have not yet heard the Gospel and are still to respond? He tells us to be on guard of those who like to spread error and here-say.

“But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night, in which the heavens will pass away with a great noise, and the elements will melt with fervent heat; both the earth and the works that are in it will be burned up” (2 Peter 3:10 NKJV).
"Since everything around us is going to be destroyed like this, what Holy and Godly lives you should live, looking for and hastening the coming of the day of God, because of which the heavens will be dissolved, being on fire, and the elements will melt with fervent heat. Nevertheless we, according to His promise, look for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells. Therefore, beloved, looking forward to these things, be diligent to be found by Him in peace, without spot and blameless” (2 Peter 3:11-13 NKJV and NLT).

I AM ENCOURAGED HERE TO RECHARGE THIS IN MY HEART: KEEP GOING!

Revisit His truth in your heart, and be challenged to live a holy and godly life! I find encouragement to constantly revisit this truth that our Jesus is coming back. I know that I don’t want to be fearful or even forgetful of what’s to happen, but I want to be joyful in His return. Looking forward with you, I’m reminding myself of this today. He is coming soon!


  • Kimberly Beller wrote this article. She is a mom of four and the wife of Caleb Beller, the director of Calvary Chapel Bible College Europe located in Vajta, Hungary. Originally from Southern California, her passion is to encourage the hurting heart and point the prodigals back home. You can visit her family website at www.Bellerlifesong.org and her blog at www.KimberlyBeller.com.