06 August 2009

No Small Cookies

My Kindergartener
My Kindergartener

I knew that it would come to this day. I have just been informed, within the hour, that I will be homeschooling my children. I have felt the faint whisper of embracing this idea for a couple of years now and for some reason I never wanted to admit it. I still never wanted to say it, even when it would have been an encouragement to someone, because if I were to say it aloud, it meant that it was on my heart. And that maybe it would be solidifying some things. Maybe I would be doing it some day...
It’s true when I say that it has been on my heart before. One reason is because I have, for some time, been behind the idea of being proactive in today’s society with our children. Wherever they are, it's most important to be giving them Jesus between the lines. At dinner, every day activities, and the example of just living. I sometimes couldn’t imagine the ideas and going-ons of them being out of my grasp. I have come to eat those words, for since coming here to Vajta, Hungary, I have left them in many hands, but nonetheless, hands that I truly sensed and tested I could trust.
I have to perceive all of the pros and cons of being presented this situation. I have become a little undisciplined in the order I take with my children. What i mean is, that we are definitely not doing things on a consistent basis, or presented a structure that happens daily. The second thing is, I have to be willing to learn the primary ingredients, in order to make a secondary decision with them. I don't know what God has in store for us, and  I have to have a loose grasp on the privelages we have been granted. While here in Hungary, for example,  I have had to connect myself with recipes that begin from Scratch. Cake? We don’t just easily get our Betty Crocker mix out and add the eggs, unless of course, Mom brings it out from America, or a package is shipped as a blessing. We have to begin from scratch. Chocolate chip Cookies? They begin with breaking down a chocolate bar in order to have that 2 cups the recipe calls for.
Everything here builds upon each other and I have to begin to turn my heavy heart towards the things of heaven.  I am just sharing where my heart is.I often struggle with the traditional idea of my kids not having everything that I was given. I feel heart ache when I can’t give it to them, because of a choice that my Husband and I have made for our family and future. Ultimately, this is not our decision. And if I dig down deeper, I realize that I am not trusting God in this area, because He is ultimately in control of their lives, and all that is being presented is because He feels it’s best. I know that he watches over them, cares for them and loves on them much more than I could ever do, and I have to trust that if the Bellers are pioneering a new road on behalf of Him, it is His best.
And in all his best, I still want what is normal, what has been done. It’s like looking back at Egypt when I should be looking at the Land of Promise. It’s a new road, and I have to turn the Course of this ship away from the Land of Expectation and dive in to the deep waters of Homeschooling. Lord, please, keep my heart yours, Ready, and take me one wave at a time! Please walk on this water, so that I may stay near to you..I googled HomeSchooling Devotions (who am i?) and found two different tidbits from Moms who have done it:
I believe it is because we are focusing on the dust we call ourselves and wishing it were more than just dust. If we could gaze past the hazy dust and look on the glorious face of Christ, I believe our outlook of unhappiness would change in all of these areas. Because of Christ, we have reason beyond ourselves to rejoice and become happy and blessed. Am I a failure, or am I a new creature in Christ with His new mercies every morning? I need to stop listening to the accuser and start searching God’s Word for wisdom. 
My New Verse to dwell on:
Proverbs 24:3-4
By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established;

through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.

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