I have been up for 2 1/2 hours now, and it's only 7:30 a.m. There's no special reason to be awake, but God knew me. He knew I haven't had such a set apart time in a while. I need Him so badly sometimes, to come and break through this embedded monotony. I am a wanderer. He has already taught me so much in the last couple of days, let alone the last couple of hours!!
I believe You, Lord! You first have taught me that You are the one who created this desire, this 180 degrees of change! I was completely fine and satisfied, almost unbudging on even tantalizing the thought of another child! The Wall had been built, with my 3 kids on this side, as I hammered the concreteness of the barrier!
But out of nowhere, You showed me that you can do anything! My heart began to change, when I saw Caleb feeling alright with it! We prayed together about it, asking simply for another little child. I am amazed, might I add, that Caleb was even into it!
There are practical things, of course that fall into place! Caleb says, "Hey, I don't want you wondering for the rest of your life, if we should have asked for a 4th!" And as my age of 34 is rapidly turning to 35, I recognize that I want to use wisdom as well!
That brings me to a most important part of how God is In this! He shows me how frail I am in Trusting Him. He knows my effort of 'believing Him'. And just as it says in Revelation 3 :8 ... I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word ... I am believing in his power. And That with something like a new baby possibly growing in my womb, and not being yet emotionally involved, He shows me what He can do!
This is also teaching me about healing, or even beyond Healing with the fears and sorrow of miscarrying before Hopie. And the wondering of why Hopie was given to us at the right time. I was always wondering why he chose October 2006, 2 1/2 years after our First, Charis was born. But I am seeing a story woven from the beginning. This child is possible 5 years after our first miscarriage. We have 2 in heaven. He is that light that we hold onto! Thank you!
We are due: October 9th, 2011