17 March 2011

A Record of Hope


For You are my hope, O Lord God;
You are my trust from my youth.
By You I have been upheld from birth;
You are He who took me out of my mother's womb.
My praise shall be continually of You.
Psalm 71:5~6
You are our 2nd born, today 4 1/2 years old.....
When I first saw the double lines on the pregnancy test, I was so excited! I was taking a day off for myself where I went to watch a movie and get my nails done. I decided to take Another pregnancy test. I was overwhelmed with love for you! I was so thankful to God for you. Daddy was very excited too. I think I told him over the phone. Charis was the only other person to know! She was happy!
At that time, nobody really asked anymore or expected to ask. You see, Hopie, we had lost 2 babies before you in miscarriage. We also hadn’t been able to be or stay pregnant for a whole, long year.
Looking back,we found out we were pregnant in Dec. 04, and March 05, but both resulted in miscarriage. After that, we did not get pregnant for the rest of the year! One of the hard parts that we had to endure was many other announcements of pregnancies! There were about 7 announcements coupled with what really felt like infertility. I knew that God was not allowing these things to happen to hurt me so I had to cling to Him to sustain the hurt in my heart. I also realized that I had already had a baby to hold, much of what a lot of people long for. I tried to keep strong in heart and attitude but as each new pregnancy came, it was an effort. They were all friends and family close to us. Now, Faith, Taylor, Shane, Nevaeh, Melody, Derek, and Eden.
One night, at our College and Career Bible Study, held here in our home, I shared the hurt of my heart. I revealed that I wasn’t ok. I wanted a Baby. I WANTED A BABY! I had shared for many months that God had it under control and I was fine. But I needed to share the desire of my heart with people, instead of carrying it alone. Something broke loose that night. Something heavy really dropped off of my weary spirit. I was able to be transparent, hence truly happy for others and their baby carrying tummies! That was about September 2005.
In December, we decided to see if we should just look into understanding what was going on in our bodies that might be prohibiting pregnancy. We received a referral from a Doctor to get some beginning tests since we had tried for about a year. In January, we went to genetic counselors and all turned out great and fine.
In February 2006, we were going to get some radiology testing to check to see what was going on inside. The doctor had told us to NOT try to get pregnant for a period of about 2 weeks. That way, the radiology would not effect or hurt any new life. It’s kind of like the Dentist’s Office where they don’t take any X rays if you are pregnant. We had a test scheduled on a Monday and I had taken that pregnancy test the Friday before! God shows us how faithful He is, and was, when he says, “It’s not going to be about the works of man, that make you believe. The doctors aren’t who you trust in, but Me. I will show Myself to you and I am blessing you!” It had been a whole year since the first miscarriage. We were and are still amazed!
Daddy, Charis and I decided to keep it a secret until Charis’ 2nd Birthday Party. With all of the mishaps, it just seemed wiser to not share for a while. We found out in February and didn’t share until mid April. It became easier after a while.
At the party, right before opening the presents, I shared a little testimony of our journey and revealed, at the end, that we were close to 3 months pregnant! I remember that I choked up in tears when I finally said it. It was an outpouring of a mother’s soul! I was elated!
At about 4 ½ months pregnant we found out that you were a girl! And very shortly after, the doctor called. She shared with us that there were 2 markers (pin points) located on the brain called Choroid Plexus Cysts. These are things that show the possibilities of something more that could be wrong. She also shared that I had a complete Placenta Previa which could be very dangerous. It means that the Placenta was located at the bottom of the uterus, where it should be at the top or side. It can pose a problem because first, the baby cannot deliver out if the placenta is in the way. And also, as the baby grows, the growing uterus weighs down heavy on the placenta. It can cause a hemorrhage. And lastly, any sudden move, such as walking up a stairs etc., could cause it to tear from the uterus and the mother and the baby could lose their life.
When I first heard these words, I didn’t have all of the knowledge of the Placenta Previa, so I was much more worried about the Cysts on the brain. It just sounded not great. Your Dad had major prayer chains going on from many churches all around the world to our own Calvary Chapel Fullerton. As days went on, we came to find out that the Choroid Plexus Cysts had dissolved and all seemed wonderful! It really was!
At about 29 and 32 weeks, we went to the hospital for huge gushes of blood! It was really, really scary! We stayed in a hospital bed on completely strict bed rest with a bed pan and everything! The bleeding subsided and the doctors mentioned that if we have another episode like this again, they would not wait, but just take an emergency C-section. Weeks went by and I was put on bed rest at home. I really couldn’t do anything because your Dad wouldn’t let me. He sent people over like Grammy and Grandma and Church ladies with food and help. It was hard to stay put, but I took up crocheting and projects. That's right.
At about 36 weeks, we went for an amniocentesis where they put a huge needle in my belly! It’s to check if the lungs are mature enough by taking out a little pocket of fluid. We weren’t really fond of the doctor who administered it, because she had to do it twice and wasn’t quite getting it. It made me nervous, and can potentially send you into labor, but we were fine that day. They ended up calling back in a couple of hours (after not eating all day!) and said that your lungs were like .2 off from being mature. That’s like a day or 2, but for Kaiser, the rules are that we have to wait 7 more days! Your Dad wasn’t very happy because he had just gotten everything squared away at work.
So that was October 4th, and we waited till October 11th, Your Birthday! We went in early around 5am, for a scheduled C-section at 7am. The Crazy thing is, is that I began to bleed that morning! No matter what, you were meant to come that day!
They did all of the common C-section Procedure with the catheter and such. Caleb was with me for all of that, but they separated us when I was wheeled into the OR. He wasn’t allowed to be in there for the Epidural (or the Spinal Block, not sure). The doctors were scurrying around with their cleaning and some nurse was holding my hands as they put the big needle in. I kind of didn’t realize the capability of the numbness as I felt myself being laid down my body getting tingly and weird. I thought I could still move my legs and realized I couldn’t anymore!
They put the sheet up and I remember I could see what was going on in the mirror! I told them, “I can see...” and they said,” Don’t look!” What!! I could feel everything that they were doing but the pain was mostly gone! I felt them cut into my tummy and I said, “Wait my husband isn’t here!” They said, “That’s ok, we have 7 layers to go and he’ll be in.” A couple of seconds went by and he finally arrived. He says, “It took forever!”
It was weird because I could still feel everything and some of the pain was there that I almost threw up. The anesthesiologist was right there with me at my head, and she began to gauge my pain and understood me to be actually feeling it. She turned up the medication and I suddenly felt a warm goodness! I was almost giggly. They soon told me that I would feel a lot of pressure as they pulled you out of my belly.
I remember waiting, just waiting to hear your cry. I couldn’t see you but I was in tune to that cry and Wow! There it came! I heard the nurse say that you had a good pair of lungs! Dad took a couple of pictures, and tried to video but they said no video!!! AHHH! We were bummed! They showed you to me, but I honestly could barely see you! She didn’t show you at my angle, because I was lying flat! All I knew is that I loved you. You were named Hope because of the vast trials we went through waiting for you. We waited for so long for you, our precious Hopie. We are so thankful for you, our little miracle child. Here is your life-verse:
Romans 5:2b-5
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
written:March 8-9, 2008
Love, Kim

1 comment:

Amber said...

so precious, Kim! I remember being at Charis' party when you made the announcement. God is so good, and happy half birthday to your second bundle of joy :)

~Amber