09 October 2012

A million little Pe a c e 's

It's hard for me to put to rest a story that God has done & is doing in our lives. There are many accounts that I could throw the confetti of Joy up in the air, but since this Testimonial of God's Faithfulness is still warm off the press, I can do nothing but T E S T I F Y !
Last year at this time, I was recovering from a newly sewn cut. The incision upon my stomach is vertical crossing over the lines of the older marks of His goodness to me and my family.

I never thought that I would endure such struggles when it came to children in my life-- my own at that. I was never the one who cuddled with kids, while a teenager. Never the one to hold a baby first; in fact I was hardly asked to baby-sit, because, what I believe, when it came to the adventurous spirit that God created in me, I lacked what you call 'good judgement'! I honestly had no true direction that I chose, but God always stayed close to me. 
You see, in my teenage years, I began to search for the things of this world; I sought after the things that were dangerous and 'fun'. I often walked to the fence of the Narrow road, and leaped over it, to wake up doing snow angels on the Wide. Suddenly there were no fences, no direction for miles and miles, and I broke down every guilt-full alarm bell in my heart.
The Lord isn't really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No. He is being patient for your sake. 
He does not want anyone to be be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent. 2 Peter 3:9
Oh what Grace and MERCY, He was giving to me in this time. The unrest and turmoil I had slodgingly put myself into was detestable. I was hurting myself. I was hurting my body, my mind, and my spirit. For all the things that God taught me as a child were buried deep down under the junk I used, and used me, to cope with the sadness and bitterness of this world. My heart ached, but in the midst of it, it seemed like it was normal.
As the time came, where I could carry no more, my heart broke into a million little pieces. I guess that's the only way that could truly get to me. It had to be through my heart, for in and out of season, it tries to lead me. I gave my all to this one person in which God had not designed for me. I know now, so confidently that if we walk out of the boundaries that God prepares for us because He Loves us, we will choose- no, chase--a flimsy excuse for our story. 
I love how God was right there when I cried out in pain, "If You're there... I need YOU, I need your peace!" I did not have to wait for an appointment for next week, but Today, and always, I am his favorite Kid! (wink) And He's ready to hear me. . . and You. 6 years of selfish entanglement fell to the ground.

And now, Fast Forward, The Lord met me...meets me, blessed,blesses me, loved, Loves, and fills me with Him. He picked me up gently, piece by piece, and made something completely new. He Turned my direction, and breathed into me new life. In this, I chose to do mission work; I met a wonderful man who LOVES JESUS more than me, and so I married him.

We have walked more than 10 years together, and all the while endured some different trials together, but all in all we Praise the Lord Together and watch, and wait for Him; We are blessed for all that He has done!

When we had our First born daughter, Charis Sarah in 2004, something happened. Obviously, I have a better view that I did not understand before having a baby. I remember questioning myself through tears, in those first moments, 
"Will I be a good mother? 
Can I take care of a baby all by myself? 
Lord, I don't know how; I'm scared!" 
The Lord does something when you become a mother that you can only understand when it happens. LOVE. Love changes everything. You become a good mother when you recognize that you would do Anything for them. Suddenly you are truly putting something else first, naturally. It reminds me of SOMEONE ELSE's Love- who would do Anything; He even laid down His own son's Life...
  After this, we went through some dark moments; we miscarried two times, while unable to get pregnant for a year after that. It was like shadows casting over our heart. When the Lord saw in due time, we were pregnant! ...but not without a trial. In our next two pregnancies with both Hope and Justice, we were diagnosed with Placenta Previa. The tricky thing about it, is- as your stomach grows, the placenta lays low, and the weight of the baby lies on top of it, so every move, whether you or the babe, could cause a tear on the uterine wall, thus an unending fountain of bleeding can ensue. And it did. I was in the Hospital a few different times, worried while waiting.

With our last born son, Baby Cruz, we were in Hungary, anticipating his birth in October 2011 when the doctor told us that we were going to experience Placenta Previa again. We knew that this was dangerous as before, so we left the country  in 9 days. 
Determining the need for a nearby hospital, God opened the doors wide open for one of the top high-risk doctors in California. As ultrasounds went on, they noticed that I was actually moving into a different condition called Placenta Accreta. This is where this life-keeping source, the placenta itself, was moving out of the uterus, attaching itself to any other organ, which happened to be my bladder.
At around 30 weeks, I noticed that I was peeing red. This was a different kind of case than just a low-lying placenta, because not only could it tear with any move, it also was embedding itself into my bladder. 
I have never stopped telling the story of how God showed up in the moment that fear was trying to take over.The moment they said I would be getting a hysterectomy and blood transfusion. He gave me an undeniable Peace as He said, "I AM here" . And I knew it was True.

They claimed I would have what they estimated as 2-4 units of blood transfused. And that I would have a hysterectomy because the surgery would be far too difficult to separate, so they felt it best to just take the whole 'baby pouch' and a small piece of the bladder. A whole person's blood amount in their body is about 6 units.

Cruz's 1st Birthday
After being in the hospital on bed rest for a month, it was the day of the surgery. It was 34 weeks. I knew that I was solid. I knew that God was here. When I saw the eyes of my beautiful BirthDay boy. . . they put me under. 
I was awakened by my doctor 71/2 hours later, with eighteen units of blood transfused into my body. What Man calls impossible, God says, 'it's LOVE,' and  'It is Finished.'
When the NICU nurses, who take care of these babies daily, claim that you will have your child home at about his due date, (which would be  6 weeks later), they were baffled at and when I walked out of the hospital, one week later,will a fully healthy baby in arms. 
You see, when Prayer from around the world is Faith-Filled and believed, 
God moves. 

And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. 
John 14:13-14

And when those pieces don't make sense, and your road looks unending and weary, Cry out to Him for He always comes through. So in a few days, is when my one year old was originally due last year. But in God's hands, a different story is created. He gives such Peace!
I am praising him still, as I hold my healthy little one, and as I look at the incisions on my stomach. All of my children are little arrows pointing directly to God's goodness. I am so Thankful. . .

Friends, Is there any kind of trial that you are going through, and you can't see the end? Cry out to Him...

‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’ Jeremiah 33:3

'...and call on me in the day of trouble;I will deliver you, 
and you will honor me.' 
Psalm 50:15

'He will call on me, and I will answer him;I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
Psalm 91:15



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