Remembering the Birth of a Boy

I have a story I never shared. I have been looking for it for a while, but just found it a few weeks ago. I usually like to write a birth story down before the next one arrives,  but I have yet to put it in here.... 
It's been 5 years since you were born....

Written & Compiled 
August 23-28,2011
(days before Cruz was born)

For the LORD is righteous, he loves justice; upright men will see his face
Psalm 11:7
For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever...Psalm 37:28

"As I look back, nearly 3 1/2 years ago, ‘Little Buddy’ has been such a shining light in our life. You’re cuddly, and your smile lights up a room. You’re silly and protective, and you love to put my hand on your head. (In fact, we have a little secret that you are the Protector of your Sisters, when Daddy isn’t present! shhh!) You’ll always run to hold the door open for me and You’re such a joy in my life!
Justice, you were the first baby that I found out through a digital Pregnancy test. After so many fears of not having, in addition to the worries of losing Hopester, this baby; YOU were a shock to the system. I found out about being pregnant with you on the same day I found out about Charis, yet 4 years later! It was July 30 2007. The pregnancy test had a ‘Happy Face’ on it, and said “Pregnant”. I was at our house in La Habra, and I was amazed...(at that moment, you would be 18 months apart from Hopie! WOW!) 

The time came, in November, when it was our turn to find out what you were!. A boy, or a girl. It was November 9th. The whole family had taken a day trip up to Santa Barbara on a train, and had a fun old time going to the beach, although it was coldish! We were supposed to be in Oregon at that time, spying out the land with our friends, yet decided to stay back. Hence, Santa Barbara. The very next day was the ultrasound. The Tech took a while to do all of the measurements, and check the weight, which took close to 40 minutes of waiting! 
But then came the time, as I held my breath in anticipation. Daddy and I waited in silence as she crossed the probe across my belly. Nonchalantly, she says, ‘Well, there’s the 3rd leg’, and yes, I understood ‘that saying’ but I needed to hear her say it with more clarity. I said, “What does that mean?” Caleb quickly quips, “What do you mean, ‘What does that mean’?” And together they said, “It’s a BOY!”. I was amazed and shocked, trying to take it all in, and then began to let tears stream down my face. 
Hearing that it was a boy was more of a blessing of love shown by God’s character, than it was to have one of each.

The whole pregnancy was pretty much amazing, yet once again, they told us that we had Complete Placenta Previa, which fully covers the cervix, the opening of where the baby can come out, therefore any slight move could cause Hemorrhaging, and baby and I can be put in High Risk. Best case scenario is that I will have a C-section a few weeks early.
We ended up checking to see if your lungs were mature at 36 weeks where they stick a huge needle into my belly to gain some fluid. Then they send that off to the lab to test it. We got a phone call that night to tell us that his lungs weren’t yet mature.
On March 20th, we went in again, and did an amniocentesis. That night they told us we will be having a c-section tomorrow morning, March 21st! 

They gave me the epidural and laid me down in the Operating room. I felt all happy, and also nervous being the only person going through it...They began to incision through the layers, and finally they allowed Daddy to be in there. Hearing your first cry was amazing! I had a little boy of my very own! When I first saw you, I wanted to hold and hug you. I never wanted anything to hurt your heart from that moment! My Son, I love you so much! You’re sweet little eyes are never far from my heart!

Caleb writes:
Our son was born roughly at 37 1/2 weeks. MARCH 21, 2008
A beautiful baby boy, dark hair, 6 lbs. 14 oz.
A confirmation of God's perfect plan, apropos of good Friday- Easter weekend. (Charis was born the day before Easter, and came home on Easter Sunday)
Upon entry into this world, some subtle changes have slowed this gift of life to a gift of patience. A few hours after you were born, you were moved to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) which has been your new home for now. 
When you were born, as with all babies, you already had amniotic fluid in your lungs. Because of the C- section there is less pressure that squeezes or transitions the baby during the birthing process.
So again, after you was born you struggled with your lungs getting enough oxygen in your body because of the extra work due to the fluid. 
We were blessed that they noticed this early, so they sent you in for observation but decided to admit you since you were not progressing. 

These were the symptoms that bought you a ticket to the NICU:  There was some RTL (retained lung fluid) and TTN (transient tachypnea of newborn). This is quick breathing causing lack of oxygenation in blood. 

Initially the idea was that the lung fluid would subside and absorb into your body, since there has been no real progress, we have started looking into other causes so that we could reduce the symptoms (TTN) and you might tolerate eating. Currently they are starting some antibiotic treatment to rule out any infection casing the lungs to retain their fluid, we are still waiting for the blood culture to come back today which might give us a better picture of what we are attacking. 

Unfortunately, Mom did not get more than a couple of seconds to see you off. It wasn't until about 10:00 pm that night that she forced her self out of bed- quite the courage after a C section- and we were able to see and hold you for the first time. We were able to spend about and hour with you before needing to return back to bed. 
Kimmie said: 
“This Has been a real trying experience. First off, I don’t like to let my heart bleed, because I don’t like facing pain. My baby boy, Justice, is in the NICU. Now a lot of people are trying to reassure me not to dwell on the negative. I really don’t see it that way. I just hurt and don’t want to deal with it.” 
(As of Aug. 2011, I see that I have faced some fears since then;God has changed me!, but it’s how I felt in the moment-A mom’s heart!)
(Same morning, I think-just said differently) Caleb writes:
*The morning brought Hope and Anxiety all at the same time, we were still a bit unsure as to what all happened- it was a bit of a whirl wind. After a brief breakfast and coffee, the doctor checked out Mom and saw she was doing great...then it was off to the NICU. A bit overwhelming I must say. It's harder as husband than a dad I think. The dad in me knows the doctors are doing what they need to take care of my son, he is being attended to with Great Care...the husband in me wanted to fix the tears in Mom's heart as she helplessly just watched with all the tubes and wires...a bit emotional...and then she was able to hold you, a little while, and then,Dad's first turn. It was a real blessing, we prayed and enjoyed some time as mom went up for a nap.*

At this point we are understanding that the process may be a bit less predictable then we hoped. This little guy will be driving the bus -putting us a bit more reactive then the fluid subsides he won't have to work so hard to breath, and his heart rate will begin to normalize and he should be able to start feeding. Until then it's IV and possibly feeding tube.

Our prayers is that the fluid will absorb into the body and your vitals will stabilize and you can rest, as this happens they will be able to begin feeding and possibly discharge you, if not, it could be 3-4 days a week, just depends on these next 24-48 hrs. (It actually became a whole week that you were there).

Ps 89:14 Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne; Mercy and truth go before Your face.
 Isa 42:3 A bruised reed He will not break, And smoking flax He will not quench; He will bring forth justice for truth.
 Isa 61:8 "For I, the LORD, love justice; I hate robbery for burnt offering; I will direct their work in truth, And will make with them an everlasting covenant.

(Sometime later-maybe day 2 or 3) Caleb writes: Today the course of action the doctor laid out was baby life 101. You needs to pass breathing class. Currently you are not breathing well on your own, you have been on light ox, through the nose but you have not been increasing your need- not decreasing your need possibly because your lungs have been working so hard! 
The update today is leading the doctor to believe that your lungs may have been slightly immature. (which praise God, they decided to wait a week longer for the actual C-section) Some time today they may replace the low ox to a higher form of oxygenation called a CPAP. The positive O2 pressure through the nose will be regulated through a ventilator. This is not the major ventilator with tracheotomy etc, but is the next step in regulating or making sure you are getting enough O2 and your lungs don't have to work so hard. For you to pass this final before they will let you go home, You will need to be breathing normally on no extra O2.

Secondly you need to pass your antibiotics class at least 3 days. Again, we are still pending blood results to see what we may be attacking. 

Third we need to pass the feeding class. Currently your lungs are working so hard  you are not able to feed orally. If you did, you would aspirate in your lungs. Yesterday they stated feeding you 10 ml in your feeding tube (a small tube going to his stomach). You didn't do too well digesting it, so they are going to continue with your IV fluids and nutrients and supplement with some small feedings to see if you will digest. (Mom: This was a really trying time!) For you to pass, you will need to be feeding and digesting normally, (bottle or breast) right now we are not yet enrolled in the "class" until you breathing (TTN) subsides...

Lastly, you started with a bit of jaundice nothing major but light treatments may be required, but a small things in the course of all the others. 

We are facing a bit of an uphill battle, it could be 5 - 7 days. It could be longer, only time will tell. 

Right now we are learning to take baby steps as parents, praying and pausing to reflect on His Grace and Power, His plans and purposes. Today the doctor told us that we, Mom and I,  will be discharged...a bit of challenge going home without our son, but we are praying for peace and faith to sustain. 
Seems another story of a Parent leaving His Son in a foreign environment in the hands of caring able people with a powerful purpose in mind, should help as we cling to Hope and Grace..."

Psalm 84:5 & 7:9-12
5      Blessed is the man whose strength is in You,
      Whose heart is set on pilgrimage.
6      As they pass through the Valley of Baca,(weeping)
      They make it a spring;
      The rain also covers it with pools.
7      They go from strength to strength;

9      O God, behold our shield,
      And look upon the face of Your anointed.
10      For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand.
      I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
      Than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
11      For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
      The Lord will give grace and glory;
      No good thing will He withhold
      From those who walk uprightly.
12      O Lord of hosts,
      Blessed is the man who trusts in You!

And then You came home....

All in all, you turned out beautifully! We love you very much and are so proud of you, our little Boy, Justice Joshua Beller!
Our prayer is that you walk all the days of your life with Jesus and receive whole heartedly the love He has for you! Shine on, Warrior of God! 
You are a wonderful pray-er!

Love, Mama and Daddy


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